Passing along

http://youtu.be/araU0fZj6oQ

Read this:) it is worth it!

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/02/the-cost-of-ghosting-lets-be-considerate-when-ending-a-relationship/

Pedestal?

http://youtu.be/_hGdpVvn64o

Spending many months melancholy and fighting insurmountable battles has finally brought some wisdom and clarity.

As we struggle and hurt sometimes we see what we want; we do not see what is actually there. Flaws or perfection, we see what we need to in order to justify or get through. 

I'm definitely guilty of this. Especially of putting people on a pedestal. Refusing to see faults until I can't ignore them any longer. This even includes my own shortcomings. Sometimes I over focus on them others i ignore. 

I wonder beloveds, are we all guilty of this? Or is this an individual battle? I am working on a better me. A stronger me and exploring deeply how heal and grow.

This week has been excruciating in the trials. But, I am going to get through. A hard workout, new friends and old, and getting ready for the first run of the season. Fill me with your wisdom.

Apologies

http://youtu.be/8_5U0M9ErGA

I'm sorry for being different than you expected or wanted. I'm sorry I risked your happiness with the future. I'm sorry I hurt us. I'm sorry I hurt you.

I'm sorry I hurt me. That I bent until I broke in order to make it all work. That isn't how i wanted it to be. 

I'm sorry i love so voraciously and that I give so deeply. 

I am not sorry I'm me. 

Moving ahead

http://youtu.be/nkqVm5aiC28

Mysteriously some things have bee brought to light that stunned me to my core. I thought I had escaped some things that it turns out i live in unknowingly until now. Drowning in the lies of so many is brutal.

I had a beautiful ceremony last week to heals; this was preceded by a dream of clarity that it was the right thing to do .

Now I'm grasping at straws as I'm realizing the gravity of the status of life I am currently in now.

I'm killing it at school, have awesome friends, and people who would do anything to help me. Blessed beyond measure.

Now I learn more about much including where to find my hope as I've let the universe have my hope I carried from the past. Neither gratitude, love and healing I gave all the hurt and worry and hope to God. Now how to proceed?!

I began with new ink :

And now will focus on mourning the sale of my childhood home. I guess I can't go home again, cliché I know.

Anyways. Namaste beloveds. Find your bliss; I am looking for mine.

I am here....

http://youtu.be/6dscsGRjpxk

I'm sitting here. Converse, conversation, and school work mostly done. What I can accomplish for now. Contemplating why I want some of the things I do.  Maybe it is because I have never had them or the feelings that go with them.

Feeling kicked while I'm down over and over. But instead of succumbing I get up, rub in the dirt and keep going on this journey.

Next week marks a one year milestone. I will be here, where one of many goodbyes happened. Sitting that morning doing my work. Contemplating goodbye or see you later and if promises made will be held? 

Funny how a conversation in a tiny parking lot in my tiny town has held such a grip on my soul. My gypsy soul is searching for peace. It travels from longing to pain to joy. 

Will you be here? Will you see me??  Does anyone see me??