No!!!

http://youtu.be/wwCykGDEp7M

I can't share the pain and fear coursing through me. I received news of the house closing. Yay full price. 

I also received news of two people I love more than words getting very scary medical results needing further tests. The forbidden C word. I can't think, I can't breathe I can't logic my way around the fear. 

I CANNOT lose them. I've lost so much... Life without them would be hollow. I've let them down, disappointed them, made them proud, and they've loved me at my least lovable. I can't tell them how sorry I am for all the times I fell short and how every breath is a prayer that prognosis is totally different once the new results are in. 

I feel like my bones are breaking inside me. Tears, wine, a hard run won't take the pain. 

Beloveds, where are you??? Send me your+1's your love you mr strengths .  I need them:

Dizzy

The http://youtu.be/VcswxqZp7Og

What a weekend. So many emotions. It appears my childhood home where I have so many memories has sold:( the most burning pain comes from the feeling of no longer existing. That's where I lost my kidney, my first love, brought my first baby home, brought solice to my heart when things were hard and so much more. 

I got to see my wonderful folks and my beautiful daughter who is doing great! Missing her but know she needs this. 

And finally, today I realized how much work I need to do to value myself. Build my spirit, regain my powerful wings and soar. And that's what I'm going to do.

Take the leap! Try new things, celebrate my successes and love ME! Cuz I'm worthy. Beloveds, do you see what I see in you?? Breathe in my love.....

No sunshine

http://youtu.be/1Ov5CNfkrtU

Missing Angelynn.... She's doing well but misses home and we miss her. This season will pass, hopefully quickly!

It's a chilly and rainy day and I have much to do to prepare for my folks visit and yet little motivation. 

There are a few things on the horizon dominating my thoughts:

1. My childhood home goes on the market today <\3. Necessary but hard. So many memories of a lifetime there. 

2. I received an invite to enter grad school almost 6 months early (may18 to be exact). Paired with rushed financial aid offers etc.

3. Race prep, I want to do my best AND not get injured lol. 

4. Missing my kiddo so much it hurts.

Any feedback would be appreciated; as school is a big decision and I can use any prep tips for missing a kiddo in tx and also running isn't my forté lol;) 

Beloveds, what's weighing on you?? Can I help??

Always....

http://youtu.be/T3RINfX3CeM

Through seasons and years I've encountered the experience of waiting....waiting for answers, healing, love, return of someone or just peace itself. 

From this I've learned something.... Waiting and the heartache that goes with it builds amazing strength. An ability to persevere; to hope for the future.

To believe in talismans given as a promise to return, pinky promises and vows. 

That while the heart aches like sore muscles in training, it is building the strength to hang on, to believe. The ability to swallow tears and turn ones eyes to the stars and find peace in the ache and the wait.

This strength comes with a secondary trait. The belief that people are who they say they are and love will always prevail. This continues even when others don't believe in this or in those people. 

The stabbing pain turns to ache, then to reminiscent musings and finally peace. 

Always, I will believe. Beloveds, embrace the wait, it will help you grow. I promise. 

Lost...forgotten....hurt.... Remembered?

http://youtu.be/HR9m1QU7nKI

I can proudly say that I've lost track of very few people i have cared for over my lifetime. I have certainly lost a few, and they cross my mind. I wonder how they are and if life is being good to them. Who they are now and what blessings have been bestowed upon them.

Selfishly though a thought creeps in.....have they forgotten me?? I hope I made a positive impact on them in some way during their lifetime. And maybe a piece of them misses me too.

I hope they are thriving, that their dreams are coming true and that they have love and peace. And more than anything, if I've wronged them that they know deep down I'm sorry. 

Blessings beloveds....are their people you have lost or miss??

Found

http://youtu.be/tmTCHlnecAU

He had eyes blue and lashes long. A gravely voice and a kind touch. And my heart for many years.... 

I planned a life, an escape with him; but it was never to be. One day, it was over. I was crushed. I loved him; his daughter; his sister; her kids. 

I didn't get to go away for college, being a young single mom. Until a few years ago that was my chance. Now I'm free, fresh start and new adventures.

I finally did get my escape:) but always wondered where he and his sister ended up.the beauty of social media is finding those you've lost... Looks like both are flourishing.... Beautiful!!!! 

Beloveds; wish those who vanish from your life blessings. When they occur your heart swells. 

Running

http://youtu.be/WLTbFaoZuVQ

With all the changes and challenges in my life I have decided to try something.....running....don't pass out ok?? I have a friend that says it releases her from all that ails and beloveds, my heart is ailing.  

I'm running to keep sane while I miss my daughter; to mend my aching soul; to forget as I've been forgotten; to breathe deep and healthy; to see the beauty around me; to push myself to be a new and better me. I'm sure I can add a thousand other reasons.

I pushed my smallies about 1/2 a mile.. I'm surely not fast but I hope it improves as I've signed up for "the run for heaven's sake" 5k in honor of a dear friend and her baby Simon. And this year im running it, not just donating :)

Beloveds, grow!! Stretch! Blossom everyday! Knowing I love you!