Over and back and home again....

I sit in yet another airport this year. I feel like it's an image of my life anymore; transience rules all. People come and go, strangers all to me. Even those I hold close feel like facades of what once was.  

When did everything changing become the status quo?! Learning to expect nothing at all for fear that will be the outcome regardless of what has been planned.

Once, I was going to visit Portland for fun. Now it is just a stop on the road of unsureness. Leaving bits and pieces of me on each additional travel, trying to nurture he brokenness where I exist.

These wings are getting heavy. No interest in soaring, even though I should. 

Blessings beloveds, may your travels bring you joy and your homesteads bring you love and rest. 

 





Another set of miles...on our way for peace for pinky. This route has us headed to Reno, NV. Exhausted, bleary eyed, aching.

I ache for her, for me, for loss, for change for years of fighting losing battles. Will this finally be the end of this chapter of yearning and searching?!

I just don't know how much more fight I have left. The years, the aches, the losses seem to be adding up to an unbearable weight. Wings perched on my back growing new, stronger feathers each time a calamity comes.

Blessings beloveds 





Empty

https://youtu.be/FiyXZhhqWqc

This little fae creature is almost out of fight. Feeling like no matter what I do is wrong, holding the strings of this family together as history and pain threaten to take it all away.

My biggest fear is the heartbreak my children will encounter. I can't imagine not being a family. My efforts seem futile, but I cannot give up nor be faint of heart.

Stand strong little fairy love your kids and learn to love yourself, even if it's just you.

Decisions

https://youtu.be/qSTF2HEMy1o

Wow. In an instant life is changing and FAST! Decisions to make and quickly. Trying to appease all and also keep the souls I care for safe, including mine.

It is a push pull from those in my life. I'm desperate to lean on strength and get that belief in me.

Dig deep little fairy. It is time to don your armor!

Blessings beloveds 

Safe

https://youtu.be/mJN7xKPE01w

This week has been a whirlwind filled with some very long days, some very hard decisions and some unpredictable blessings.

There is a plan in place and peace in an arena that has been is upheaval for a very long time.

There has been old wounds healed and sealed for good. And the universe blessed me with the right people at the right times for what I needed.

Joyful greetings at my arrival and wonderful times during my brief time "home." A night without nightmares that torment me, the bond only old friends can carry, and feeling safe. 

I got to explore one of my favorite towns on the way home, laugh more than I have in years and hit my favorite tea shop. (And it appears my gift was even accepted)  The exhaustion was well worth it all. 

I can't wait to feel this way always. Exhausted for all the right reasons. Joy, peace, healing, connection, and hope. All things I have been missing. 

Namaste beloveds 

Musing

https://youtu.be/zuZB2O6orV0

Two birthdays have come and gone with no celebration, and no word from you. That is ok! As time passes I have had the benefit of some clarity. 

Some people change; most people don't change at all. I I forge ahead in my journey the pain of growth is peppered with the possibility of joy ahead. 

Little things like peace. The lack of chaos or the noise in my head from the possibilities of hurts ahead and the doubts left from the hurts behind me.

I've found solace and smiles in new friends and old. I have Supportive family, even though they are far away. And although I'm not a master of change, this is a transition I can do with grace. 

I will not become hard or bitter. I will be soft and kind 

Blessings beloveds

Sooner than later

https://youtu.be/RzhAS_GnJIc

What a crazy few weeks. Trying to get my footing yet it seems to be a moving floor! Even the best of intentions seem tainted with self interest. This soft hearted hippie is hiding out in her home. Ya ya, I'm a cancer.

Some people never change and sometimes they change too much ha! 2 days, and I'm 35. I feel like it's been 2 days and i was 25 or even 15! 

I just need peace. A place of sovereignty, emotional safety. Where arms are there to hold and heal not use or hurt. A place of solace. Peace. 

Blessings beloveds