https://youtu.be/tG19gKhEOa4
So many years come and gone since I put that wedding ring on.... thought it meant something; it did. It meant pain, abandonment, lies and double standards.
As i pressed on to be a prov 31 wife he oggled images on the screen instead of feeding me. I was starving. Soon I love you turned into I don’t know if I do, to finally I surely don’t.
I screamed warnings silently that I was so empty. But these pleas fell on deaf ears and I lost my grip....I fell. I broke people and things. And I’m the only one held accountable. No apology or change big enough to cover my sins as others simple make excuses for theirs. What is one when pitted against a million. Soon the million mean nothing as they have become the perpetrators norm. And slowly you drown.
The rules change, rearrange until nothing is right and everything is wrong. And I went from starving to hollow. Praying to be hung from the gallows.
No accomplishment nor greatness nor beauty nor effort starry the path. Rather they tighten the fist as if the better me I create the more I’m hated. Until that fist it turned to screaming words, frantic lunacy and once loving hands becoming weapons.
Now what? I still shake and stutter and cry cuz my body aches and my hope is crumpled. I have watched what I loved die. My mother, my protector, my friend and partner. Just to know I’m forgotten. No rose for me.
I watch my tiny fae’s flit and play and laugh and cry. Oh how it hurts to see them cry and know that there as nothing I can do to change it. I’ve done it all, but they were meaningless tasks for they were merely spiteful challenges to see me squirm on a hook.
I look at the sharp edges of that diamond ring. It speaks nothing of love but rather sharp like glass; as if it would puncture my skin so I bleed out if I moved or touched it just wrong. How did something so beautiful turn into something so dangerous?
So the journey begins. Weeks away until I am a Changling. No longer chosen, no longer a wife, no longer the keeper of forever. Rather a gypsy searching for Home for me and the little faes. Stay, go, nothing really matters as none of it will ever be the same again.
Remembering what solutions are not options. There is no bleeding the poison from this wound. Rather it takes up residence in my secret place. That place i used to let people see, now it’s just for me.
No pain, sadness, or change of path can thwart my loving soul. For now it is mine alone. For those who said they’d come fight for me never did, and some just can’t cross all the miles.
So beloveds, take adventures to make your soul light and release all those glass shards. Explore new places, lay in puddles in the middle of the night in the city, kiss in doorways or under Street lights or in the pouring rain. For these kind of memories are far and few.
Soar!
