It’s December 12 the last full moon of the decade. It’s up and at its fullest at 12:12. This moon is supposed to bring on a new era, healing, cleansing. What it seems it brought me is perspective and retrospect and the opening up Pandora’s box that I have kept locked shut for a long time.
I spent most of the last decade in a very different life than I live now, a lot of things hidden for me some of them in plain sight. The last year of the decade has been spent redefining myself, my life, and trying to find joy. Sadly, that search for joy seems to have caused others pain. Whether that be friends or family or strangers even.
I looked back on my memories and saw that my sweet little boy was not just sick today but it been sick in years past on this day I have gotten the chance to hold him while he’s hurting but then had to graciously let him go to his other home and it broke my heart because I want to be the one to wipe away his tears and hold him through his fevers. But I didn’t realize was that during this decade there of been people that have wanted to wipe away my tears or help me heal the wounds that I have either pushed away, not allowed, ordered was completely blind to the depths of their intentions.
This full moon sets for the new beginning. There’s no more “soaring“ as that season has passed in every way. Now is a season of putting down roots, tightening the sutures, and no longer seeing the bruises. It is a time for new life, new happiness, new heart aches, and hopefully not the loss of my fairy like joy and warrior like strength.
This new era needs to lead to forgiveness. Me forgiving those that I have tucked away the pain in my heart. Forgiveness asked for those that I have hurt selfishly, unintentionally, blindly, or due to my own lack of ability to face my demons.
May this next season of moons bring a softer kinder me. One with empathy, patience, and the ability to take down my armor and put down my face so that I can hear what’s being said without feeling I’m at war.
Blessings beloveds. May this Moon bring you healing, joy, forgive us and the ability to begin again. I know I’ve said this a lot but I am trying. Period. I’m trying to begin again, be a better me, and not repeat my mistakes.
