I look at these beautiful kids, full of joy and life. What wonderous creatures they are! If only as adults we could be carefree. Leave our brokenness and cares aside and just dance through the day!
I sent in my first payment for grad school today. I'm officially a grad student. Who'd have thought I would get here! From pregnant teen dropout to grad school! Thankful for the believers along the way!
Yet, while I should be celebrating I feel like I'm floating alone. Adrift on a sea of doubt and loniless. Railroad life is a strange one. Most of my joys I celebrate alone and so does he.
It is a strange kind of isolation.
I used to Skype friends a lot, but no longer. Just kind of exist. Moving fri one task to the next. Savoring the joy of happy children and sunshine. But feeling lonely.
Trying to learn to find joy in the solitude. To ease the ache in my own heart. To miss those I care for less.
Beloveds, tell me, how does one do this?!
I don' think you can choose to miss those you care for less...it will just create a shell that will break when you see them.
ReplyDeleteBut you are loved Jenn, so much! I could not be more proud of you going to Grad school - however, I've never thought of you as a dropout - you just took longer to know what you wanted to do!
Thx sissy
ReplyDeleteI agree. If anyone out there has suggestions of how to ease the loneliness, I'm all for it. I know that you feel very deeply and that is a beautiful benefit to the world and your loved ones, but it also means you feel hurt and loss more profoundly and thus take much longer to heal. Something I can relate to. You are so deeply loved by so many and though I know this is no comfort when you feel alone, reaching out to some of those loved ones is the only way I know to stymie some of the sting. I am always here for you, my beautiful soul sister.
ReplyDeleteSending deepest love and gratitude. We are in this together!!! Thank you sweet soul! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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