Love and light

http://youtu.be/Sz9NN7YucNk

Every once in a while a person crosses your path, with a familiarity that is unexplainable. Like you've known them before, loved them before.

This has been the case a few times in my life. With a few cherished friends, lovers, and the occasional passer through.

They bring me to thoughts of memories passed. I wonder where people are, how they are, and if they ever think of me.  The paths we choose often lead us away from those who matter, sometimes for the best, sometimes we are left with regrets.

Today I thought of decisions made; and how much rejection hurts us all, how getting burned can change our path,change how we see other souls.

I guess we all want to be remembered,longer for, ultimately loved.

Blessings beloveds. May you feel love and light.

Fill the holes with joy

http://youtu.be/rU0pbEhqpVE

Be gentle.....to yourself. Oh how this assignebt be is difficult for me. I'm so used to pushing through it all. Breathing deep and pushing through the pain. But the world is different now.

The sharp edges remains, hurts continue to happen. Rather than bleeding from them I bandage the wounds and smile. For there will always be suffering, but that doesn't mean I can't fill the holes with joy.

Once someone took so much joy in me, my skin; they found me fascinating and smiled with joy when they saw me. I got lost in that. Now just a memory, but a huge reminder that I AM ENOUGH. You are enough. 

You don't have to sacrifice your being to love. I'm learning I can still love myself without you. And I'm enough. Glimmers and flickers of joy fill my mind and mend my dreams. 

Someday I will explore Portland. I will stand on Bleeker and 6th in the city. I will sing songs and dance in the rain. I will find myself completely fascinating. And blessed be whomever joins me on that journey! 

http://youtu.be/JigjU373SKY

Journey

http://youtu.be/1aoS2HI5xsk

I sit in my room drinking kombucha and gobbling up thai food.  wrapping up the second semester of my grad program.  this journey is a wild ride.  A year ago this is not where I thought I would be.  I had thought people would change, or that someone might come back with regrets of leaving my wounded heart behind.  Instead,  I sit hear, engaging in my journey.  Smiling, and remembering, I can do this.  I can soar.  I let my addiction to love fade. Little by little, and replace it with loving me for you. For all those who have walked away by choice, force, or the universe.  Blessed beyond measure even in the growing pains.  Beloveds, that means I am growing, oh how I long to hear how your journey is.  Are you chasing your bliss, finding joy? I was reminded today by a friend, to stop reaching for the Angel Micheal, you young one, need Gabriel.  Heed his words, love yourself! Be gentle with yourself and the peace covered me again.  Where this journey is taking me I have no idea, but I do know it is positive.  Bringing light into my life from unexpected places.  Tonight, I will stare at Orion and breathe deep.  Beloveds, if you can see him, feel my love, and send me your blessings in return?

Enough!!!

http://youtu.be/G8IUpndryL4

As the ink penetrated my most sacred skin, where for years I laid the tracks of my inner sorrows in my heart onto my delicate flesh. The pain released into the room. Releasing a lifetime of pain; not being enough. 

My souls cried , huge drops of pain, of blood, of the ache of loss, betrayal, and abandonment left my soul. 

April pulled the chord long and dark and finally white attached to a shard; it felt like shrapnel being pulled from deep inside my heart. It left a gaping hole.

As I cried and she helped me free my soul cried out for the Angel Michael, the warrior to defend me; help me feel with while, save me! But that's not what I needed. She called out "Gabriel" and I was filled with peace and a very special message! "Be gentle and kind to yourself;  you are only responsible for your actions; love yourself, and fill your hole with joy."

Oh the freedom, I have felt electric since. Free from owning others mistakes. Chords severed; aches removed! Peace overtakes me in waves. Finally free, to feel the joy! I dance in it like a swirling rainbow! 

Beloveds! Be kind to yourself! You are enough!!! 

Namaste

Come and get me.

Another awesome blog I'm sharing with you!

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/10/if-you-want-me-come-and-get-me/

Love me tonight

http://youtu.be/rgmmOXSOYUQ

Once the words leave your lips they are unstoppable. They spew love or hate or joy or pain. Yours spewed hate, once someone spoke to me with amorous energy, learning all about me.

Oh I crave to be enough, adored and truly seen for me, one of the good ones. 

My bones are aching for change. To soar rather than a singing caged bird.

This will not define me. I will grow I will soar and in 2 short years I will be the one serving the people bringing solace. 

Oh how I wish you would bring me solace. Read me sonnets and kiss me in my dreams. 

Oh beloveds, there will be peace. I will find it. If you can, bring it to me.

Here with you...

http://youtu.be/BijJ0sQHRsU

Some days, even when the day is good, the heaviness of it all weighs heavy in my soul. I miss those gone. The ache is real and heavy and isn't even all mine, yet I wear it like a cloak.

I miss the days when I believed in fairy tales. Danced in the rain. Let my heart believe. Then it crashes down. 

There is just the reality that life is what it is, full of aches, even when we choose joy. 

I guess I just believed too long, too hard; I believed that "in love" happened like in the movies. Where it wasn't for gain, or comfort, but rather powerful and selfless.

Maybe today is just a day of heaviness as it has been my whole life. Tomorrow I will wake and again choose joy. Choose to dance and laugh and work hard for my little beloveds. 

Namaste beloveds. May your battles be mild and your heartaches few. May your loves be passionate and betrayals rate; and losses very few.  

Remember, you aren't alone, I'm here with you.