Still love you

http://youtu.be/4H9ClCcO7ZI

With so many planets spinning in and out of retrograde my world has been a bit off kilter. Sometimes showing the best in me, sometimes not haha.

My dreams have been filled with odd visitors from days gone by in Wild locations. Some people don't visit me at all anymore. 

I've met some beautiful souls along this journey. I'm glad that even though they may be far away they still come to see me.

Summer is upon us. The house is filled with happy children and adventures to be had. Still the ache of loneliness comes to visit sometimes.

Being strong for everyone can take its toll. Better get my hands in the dirt and my eyes on the stars:) both help me find peace. 

I still love you...beloveds...even if you've gone far away. I hope you still love me too.

Time....

I

http://youtu.be/wGbVKCD_Mo4

There's ups and downs through everyone's journey. Building me has had a lot of those. Ha!  Understatement.  Sometimes just when I feel like I've turned the corner I'm right where I began.

Sending love to the corners of the earth. Time seems to go screaming by. My kids have gone from babes to half grown in the blink of an eye! And me, I look in the mirror and am surprised at the woman looking back at me. Sometimes in my head I think I'm still that very young mom toting my baby girl on my hip; instead I am a woman with hair turning silver in places and smile lines. Oh how I have cherished all the things that have caused them. 

This journey is such a huge blessing.  Sometimes, the tears slide out. Remembering people come and gone. Friends, family, lovers. I'm the kind that never forgets you. Not any of you. I might leave a gift along the way if I know where you are, or get the chance to cross paths. Maybe even just a warm hug. I got to do that this week when a longtime friend popped in.  What a joy. Blessings beloveds! 

Namaste!

Not for me

http://youtu.be/ukick72Qafc

Like roses with thorns; that's what love is. Beauty and pain intertwine. One must choose who is worth the drops of blood that come from gripping the thorns.

I've spent a lot of time in reflection on my journey. What I realize is that the decision can be easy.

If it no longer suits you, brings more angst than pain, or depleted you, it's not for you. I may not be for you, that is 100% ok! But remember, you may not be for me.

Today I owned my heart. I decided, I will happily pour myself into those around me but I won't allow that gift to be abused.

Balance is key for me and I'm finding it, grounding and breathing.

Namaste beloveds. I will be staying true to my path on this journey:) but no more breaking myself; that time has passed.

Real

http://youtu.be/qWG0vltPHUg

The planets are in a funny place and my energy is a buzzing. People keep crossing my mind. Wondering what parts were right; wondering which parts were ever even real. 

Pondering what is going on in my head, my heart, and stealing my sleep snd sometimes my peace. 

Lonely doesn't seem to be the right word. Disconnected maybe. Attunement is needed, connection had. 

Is or was any of it real. 

For me

http://youtu.be/nsbcKoRAiF4

Sitting back listening to one of my dear ones play and sing as I sip my special coco.....a smile on my face as I think of all the places I've been in the last year.

You see, I'm coming up on 35. It's kinda strange to think about. My baby starts preschool, my oldest will be a junior, my princess a kindergartener! My sweet moo a 4th grader destined for greatness.

I've crumpled, I've fought, I've sacrificed, I've tried to forget, I've searched, found, been burned, healed and grown. And lastly to quote Dr. House "everybody lies."

Yep even me. 

What I have found is there are three kinds. Lies to hide, lies to protect, and lies of malice. None work out. There's always damage and often scorched earth.

The battles I have waged to protect my kindreds are worth the internal storm. I will fight for them. 

I'm learning now how to fight for me. To get what I need. No lies, no falsities. Truth and love. My love can be so big. 

Beloveds, why do you lie; why do you fight; why and whom do you love?!