Mistake

Sometimes there are no words. Like when you lose someone you love. Death, or just loss. Both leave you with that punched in the stomach feeling.

Some things are inevitable. You know, death and taxes. Others we seem to bring on ourselves.  

I'm not perfect, God knows I'm flawed; probably more flawed than the next guy! But I love hard and try my best. I own my mistakes as often as I possible and I redeem myself when given the chance.

Sadly, some things cannot be undone. Some mistakes have permanent consequences. No matter how much you own them or move forward sometimes it isn't enough. Sometimes people just cannot move forward, or own their mistakes.

So, today, amongst all the heartbreak of losing a dear man something else was lost. I'm not sure what life looks like now or the plan. I do know that instead of fighting I choose to take the blame. Regardless of how much of any of it is my fault.

So, what now? Deep breaths and a glass of vino. Rest in peace Oly. You were one of the kindest men I ever knew.

Blessings beloveds  

Summer solstice!

Now

Then.

https://youtu.be/5LuH0ywYVQc

Wow! 20 years! I cannot believe how fast 20 years has gone! What an amazing experience last night was celebrating the solstice with friends, barefoot, beautiful music, dancing, and energy. And ALL under the full moon!!!! Once in a lifetime really!

Today is special as it ushers in the new season. It also ushers in the Cancer zodiac, of which I am a member. So, a time of change.

With that being said, no journey is complete without reflection. 20 years ago, on the solstice, I became a woman. No judgment here people. I don't regret my choice. I loved the young man very much and he,I have no doubt loved me then. And it was a mutual gift given. We walked together into a new place in our lives together.

Sadly, as all many young loves do, ours dwindled, we made mistakes, broke each other's hearts, and I have not spoken to him in years. Outside of requesting his permission for this entry. 

Young love is bliss, I watch my 16 year old experiencing it and am wistful of memories come and gone of times in my life where I was absolutely lost in love with someone. 

I see friends who have found their person and live that bliss every day! What an amazing gift. :)

My heart chakra is wide open and I'm vibrating at an amazing level these days. I am excited for this new chapter that starts today!

Summer, my 35th birthday, and continued connections new and old. I am feeling blessed to feel peace and be exploding with love for those in my life. 

Even when the days are hard I remember all the blessings. Like sister friends, Orion, snuggles from my amazing kids, and the ability to connect with the amazing world around me.

 

Yesterday I even took a leap to show someone I still think of them; will they ever receive it? I don't know. But it is out in the universe now:) and I just want to dance in the excitement I have for what is coming.

Namaste beloveds. 

https://youtu.be/FOjdXSrtUxA

Warrior

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pa8iyHzHUSQ&feature=share

I love that word. Warrior! I feel it course through my veins as I have battled a variety Of challenges over time. 

This word even brings me to giggle; thinking of singing pat benetar and pointing at my lovely sister after having too much wine. A lifetime ago. 

Now I fight, for me, for the love I know is out there and deserve! I cannot settle for less than real after having it course through me. Letting my souls reach out and touch another's. 

My heart is bursting. Wide open and ready to embrace the love around me. Blessed by new friends and old and oh so many Aquarians and Taurus souls:)

Bring on the solstice and this new era and journey:)

Namaste beloveds!

In my veins

https://youtu.be/dGESwIFmOTA

Days go by.... Fast and slow all at once. Not really a concept all understand especially the young.

You blink and you're grown, your kids are growing and who you are and who you are in the mirror may not match. Who you were and who you are may look very differently. 

Occasionally we cross paths with people who become a part of us, forever. Quite possibly unintentionally. A friend, a lover. Sometimes a chance encounter that we can't shake. 

Some leave pieces, or holes even when the pieces are given back. If I left any holes along the way I'm so sorry.

Blessings beloveds.

Lost

http://youtu.be/p0rAkWh6Gss

Damn you Aquarius and your ability to fly away and never look back. No musings, no late night calls, no regrets I guess.

Most of the time I'm sprinting forward in my adventurous journey. But every once in a while I get a pull, that I wonder where you are. Hoping you're soaring. Trying to be the me I think you used to see in me:)

Probably just those moments I let myself get lonely. Remembering those come and gone. A star gazing soft hearted hippie aching to run far away. Leave the heartache behind. I'm not lost I am grounded, haunted by the dreams i never got to have. Instead, relishing the ones I do :)

Blessings beloveds 

Own your journey. 

Believe

http://youtu.be/SgNvWfCMMh0

Pretty sure we can all sing this song. Why was it so popular? Because we related to it.  To the loss of love, the loss of the things we pretend are there, the ability to see just what we want.

I'm surely one of these. The kind of woman that sees the good, overlooks the flaws, forgets that people do use others to fill holes. That gifts can go unclaimed or even unopened.That people lie. 

A cross roads has been met. Do I choose to believe in the past that was possible all a ruse; this belief keeps my soul alive. Or, do I chalk these experiences up to people using the good in me to fill their holes?

Sometimes, we encounter people we will always miss. Regardless of the reality of the situation, our take is what keep us going.

I choose to believe in the good. In love, in promises and in magic.

Blessings beloveds 

Lately

http://youtu.be/nTE4IS0NXxo

Wow. Funny how things change and yet stay the same. I looked back on a blog a year ago and I had used the same song as a year ago 😂😂.  

June 2nd is a special day. Someone I will always hold dear has his birthday that day! And this year my wish of love and light for him was most likely delivered!!! Thanks to a loyal friend and a funny twist of friendships. Made my heart smile.

On the other hand. School is good. Summer is amazing! The battles are ones I expected and will get past.

But sometimes, just sometimes, there are those who hold little pieces of my heart that I wonder how they are, pray they are well, and send them love and light. I miss them, no matter the years past. 

Thank you for the memories. Rocks at my window, kisses under stars, initials on trees deep in the woods, and the light in the eyes when some im loves you :) 

Blessings beloveds!