Seems like I'm always behind the times. I run my home very much like my parents did. Chores, modesty, and honesty. We help eachother, we work hard and we spend time together. Board games, movie nights, and homework.
I hold onto sentimental things. The memory of a scent, a word, a promise. All these things can be fleeting yet I cannot let them go. I take them at face value and tuck them into my little mosaic heart for safe keeping.
I can close my eyes and remember what I wore on my first "date," smell my first loves smell, taste the kiss of a love come and gone, see the look in someones eyes as their soul and mine met.
I wish i could leave some things behind. Stupidly I miss people who have forgotten I exist. I reach to grab onto what I had even though it has already blown away into the wind. I ache for yesterdays, for past victories, or a second chance to do things right or differently. Take back words that hurt, say goodbye to those who are gone forever. Be kinder, more forgiving, more understanding.
This tender soul is deep pool of feelings new and old, love that burns for eternity and bile that burns my throat for those who have scorned me or those I love. This soul believes in love at first sight, in pinky promises, in somedays.
Maybe if I stopped worrying if you are out there, and forgot you then maybe you would come find me. Maybe if I stopped daring you "anonymous" you would show your face. If I stopped aching for your love you would give it willingly. So many what ifs, or could haves, should haves.
All I can say for certain is the rain has made me melancholy. A night by the fire tucked in tight with the kids will remedy this I am sure. I turned in my first grad school paper today and I'm sure I am worried about that; new school new standards and I am waiting to see where I fall talent wise. Funny how school is always the same no matter the age; we all just want to succeed.
Beloveds, do you wish you weren't feeling alone sometimes? That someone would fight for you, reach for you, fall for you?? That you would be powerful, or well spoken, or unafraid? I know I have wished all these things. Love deep, for love can heal anything.
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