I want that for me too. For someone to get lost in all that is me: when music hits their ears they remember me, ache for me.
I feel like it has been seconds and years all at the same time since I felt you fill my soul. Since I felt you depart from me. Why can I not ease this ache; why don't I want to? Do I enjoy being melancholy as you do?
I've been closed off so long, I don't even know how to be "her" anymore. I'm all blood and heat and tears and beautiful aching. A warrior princess stoically treading through each battle to find "her."
The farther I march the more lost I feel. Not lost, I'm not sure the word. It's more of growing pains I suspect. Fearing all I hold deeply and precious is a facade. Love being fleeting or possibly never real.
I know mine is always real. But as I have been told, not everyone loves the same.
I burn as I fly away from home. My safety is there. I can hold it together there, and if I don't? No one sees. It's safe and protected.
Out away from my little crab shell I will be raw, exposed, and have to be ready for the slings and arrows that come with catching up.
If I could I would travel in time. Jump around amongst the beautiful memories I have and to the future to where joys must abound.
Semester over, awaiting grades and hopefully continued studying at Simmons. What a year. Amazing how the ache has fueled me!
Now south I go. To family, adventures and the ability to run often (for a bit at least). Pound the pavement and my pain out until I can't run anymore.
Moot points swirl around in my heart and head. Problems I cannot solve for they don't belong to me. Solutions that aren't mine to make. Nothing for me to do but think, and ache.
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