I had a conversation this morning that really got me thinking. I am home while the fam attends church as my little Lainey bug has the pukes. I completed my work for class tonight (I am pretty sure). I will have to double check that business...
Back to the conversation. It contained discussion of karma, and how those who love and leave get their turn to feel the ache of loss; how silver tongued souls often leave in their wake pain and heartbreak even though they never once deceived. This pain was brought on by the expectation that their lover could change them. Lastly, we talked about love or true caring; how if you love truly or deeply care at least that erasing someone from your life is nearly impossible. The draw to have them part of you is too great to resist. Even the best of souls feel the hole left by that severing of connection; or the vibration of their connective string from time to time. (Birthdays, sentimental holidays, or even just a passing thought at the sound of a song that contains truth).
No one goes unscathed from loss. Loss of a loved one, of innocence, or change. The burn from love torn from you or the embarrassment of being duped. Soft hearted souls like myself suffer more often than hardened hearts. This ache is not bad, it builds empathy, a tapestry rich in history and stories to pass down of love, adventure, of sparks, of regret, of lessons learned.
I looked back today on loves past and present, on how I revel in my pain and allow it to consume me as long as necessary to build myself into a more admirable person. One that survives and loves and never gives up. One who can trust her gut, fall in love at first site, who believes that people are good, that users are few and far between. That albeit decisions may be difficult they must be made and sacrifices with them.
I am breathing the pain to day:) but not like you think. I am cherishing all the experiences I have been blessed to have. Love, loss, despair, and joy. All the wonderful things a varied life has brought me. Choices good and bad and remembering that at my core is a beautiful soul. I will soar, I am one of the good ones. Gentle until my hand is forced. Accepting of circumstances and loss. I choose to wear this life with grace; with love.
Beloveds, forget me not. I remember so much, a blessing and a curse. If we cross paths do not doubt that you may cross my mind from time to time. Your smile, friendship, or even your sly words. All part of the growing process. I am growing and learning just like you. Goodbye is my hardest challenge as I tuck all precious things into my soft heart and cherish them like a precious gem. Beloveds, anyone, are there gems in your heart? I am always here for you to share your special things with, as we are all growing together:)
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