The hotel was a disaster, the swimming a blast, and seeing "old" friends was phenomenal!
During the long drive home I was in misery with a migraine. (Still going strong at 33 hrs). I stared out the car window and saw my love Orion looking down at me. It got me thinking about so many; my brother, past loves, friends come and gone and the funny way life works out.
I think of all the times we know what we want but are afraid to go for it, so we make excuses to not. That way we don't fail. Of all the times we smile and say we are fine when we are hurting or when we say someone is our friend and really our life would be no different if they were no longer a part of it. OR the opposite, when people, things or situations are so important to us but we cannot admit it to ourself.
These "games" so often are mounted in insecurity, fear, or being unsure of what we want.
I'm guilty often of settling for less than I need, want or deserve in order to preserve those things I want to keep close. Seems this strategy has been employed to exempt those I care about from the pain than burns my soul.
A dear friend pointed this out to me and funny enough a newer friend pointed out that I must love tragedy. Funny, I love Shakespeare, sad songs and the anticipation of possibility of grand love (or the possible going down in flames) of new relationships.
So, beloveds, are things how you want them? If not then are you (and me too) playing "games" to placate our situation ,circumstances or those around us and therefore keeping us from true connection and joy?
Pain and love are ok, they show your heart is beating and real and engaged. Fear not. The pieces all come back together, eventually:)
Blessings!!
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